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All Puns on Puntown by Category
Food & Drink Puns
24 food & drink puns and jokes.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
- I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
- Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
- I was going to tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- I was thinking of going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.
- Eggs are egg-citing, especially the whites. They crack me up.
- What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
- I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
- What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
- The baker collapsed, but he kneaded a break.
- I wanted to make a pun about herbs, but I couldn't find the thyme.
- I'd make a vegetable joke, but it's corny.
- Puns about vegetables? Lettuce know!
- Why did the cow give only buttermilk? Because it couldn't churn the other cheek!
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi!
- I donut care what anyone says, pastry puns are the best.
- A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
Science & Math Puns
16 science & math puns and jokes.
- Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
- The math book looked sad because it had too many problems.
- I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.
- I'm reading a book about helium. It's uplifting.
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
- The mathematician's plants stopped growing, so he found the root of the problem.
- Puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.
- I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't got a gig.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
- The scientist was fed up with cell-fies in the lab.
- I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze.
- There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
- Entropy isn't what it used to be.
- A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks about luggage. It says, 'No thanks, I'm traveling light.'
- I told my computer I needed a break. It said I needed a byte.
Animals Puns
24 animals puns and jokes.
- The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
- Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well-armed!
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare-line.
- Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They got married in the spring.
- My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
- Cows tell each other moos.
- A chicken farmer's favorite car is a coupe.
- When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
- What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.
- My favorite animal? The bee, of course! It's unbeelievable.
- If you need an ark to save two of every animal, I Noah guy.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- I once heard a joke about a cat. It was purr-fect.
- How do you organize a cat party? You just purr-suede them to come.
- Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
Work & Career Puns
17 work & career puns and jokes.
- I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
- I used to be a teacher, but I lost my class.
- I used to be a lifeguard, but I was too deep.
- I wanted to be a historian, but I couldn't see the future in it.
- I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
- I got a job at a bank, but I lost interest.
- My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder.
- I used to make clown shoes, which was no small feat.
- The shoemaker did a sole-searching job.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Archaeologists are just trowel and error experts.
- My friend wants to become an archaeologist. His life will be in ruins.
- I got a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
- I quit my job at the donut factory. I was fed up with the hole business.
- I used to work at a shoe recycling plant. It was sole destroying.
Body & Health Puns
13 body & health puns and jokes.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
- The butcher accidentally backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- When I suggested lunges to stay in shape, that was a big step forward.
- Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
- I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
- I made a pun about the brain but it was mindless.
- Velcro: what a rip-off.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Everyday Objects Puns
30 everyday objects puns and jokes.
- I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
- I'm reading a book on the history of glue. Can't put it down.
- I'm reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it.
- The calendar's days are numbered.
- Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
- I couldn't remember how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.
- I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
- What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner!
- What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'll go on ahead.
- I told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
- Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it's tearable.
- I'd tell a joke about a ceiling, but it's over your head.
- I'd tell a joke about a wall, but you'd never get over it.
- I would tell a joke about an elevator, but it's an uplifting experience.
- I would tell a joke about an envelope, but you might not get the inside joke.
- I named my dogs Rolex and Timex. They're my watch dogs.
- I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that instant gram.
- I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards, and she said she'd deal with me later.
- I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- I asked the librarian about books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'
- Don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
- I wanted to tell a joke about the internet, but it might not connect.
- I was going to tell a dead battery joke, but it didn't have a charge.
- RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
Nature & Weather Puns
9 nature & weather puns and jokes.
- How does a snowman get around? By riding an icicle!
- Puns about the weather? Snow problem!
- I told a pun about the wind but it blows.
- I tried to make a pun about fog, but I mist.
- I told a pun about trees, but it was sappy.
- I made a pun about the ocean, but it was too deep.
- Are mountains just hill-areas?
- I used to think the ocean was friendly, until I realized it waved.
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, my illegal logging business is a success.
Wildcard Puns
24 wildcard puns and jokes.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet!
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.
- If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
- Puns about monorails always make for a one-track joke.
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- I know a guy addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop anytime.
- I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
- The energizer bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.
- The kleptomaniac didn't understand puns. He took everything literally.
- I know a great musician. He's noteworthy.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- I'm friends with all electricians. We have great current connections.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- I wanted to tell a pun about time, but it's not the right moment.
- I was going to tell a joke about electricity, but it's too shocking.
- Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
- I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards. She said she'd deal with me later.
- My dad said 'always fight fire with fire,' which is why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
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